Surprising: Who Knew Israelite King David was a Lannister?

You might have heard about Adobe Firefly; Adobe’s generative artificial intelligence platform.  You may have even heard that some of Adobe’s competitors are producing “Woke” versions of historical events.  For example, when people use the term “woke” in this context, they mean the historically incorrect addition of black or “persons of color” to history.  Here is what happens when you ask Adobe for a rendition of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table – Black King Arthur:

Black King Arthur Enjoying Dinner with the Knights of Churches Fried Chicken

Yes, cinema did this recently when Dev Patel (a British Indian) was featured as a pre-Magna Carta noble in the “Green Knight” but Black King Arthur?

Ok, what about Christopher Columbus and the discovery of America? Christopher Columbus sailed the Ocean Blue? Nope, in 1492 Christopher Columbus Sailed the Ocean of Historical Revisionism:

Black Christopher Columbus

All these changes to history; where are they coming from? We can’t blame this fraud on the 1619 Project. Adobe supposedly buys all art from licensed sources, so they must be the one’s making the calls here indirectly through their LLM. I am not offended by saying Columbus comes from Central Asia like this rendition:

Christopher Columbus, great Mongol Warlord.

But don’t tell the guys at Satrialie’s Pork Store that you prefer the Mongol Warlord Christopher Columbus as opposed to a version that looks more like Cris-to-fuh Moltisanti:

But Adobe doesn’t just take “woke” to it’s extremes. It takes woke and then adds an additional layer of stupidity on top; like some future flavor from Jeni’s Splendid that would feature a cottage cheese base with a cream cheese topping but still call it ice cream (you know you want to do this, Jeni’s splendid).  There are black Jews: just ask Michael K Williams in the Red Sea Diving Resort (ok, bad example; try Mazi Pilip or this website focusing on Ethiopian Jews).  But black rabbis in Eastern Europe during the 18th century? That seems like a stretch. 3 of them at the same time? What part of Lodz was this?

Damn Adobe, I said “Lodz Ghetto” not Gheto Lodz!

But the dejudification by Adobe doesn’t stop with the Black Rabbis of Eastern Europe. Adobe firefly takes it one step beyond and makes King David an Aryan. Sure, many people have problems with Richard Gere as King David, but history knows that he didn’t look like early concept art for Jaime Lannister or maybe even the Khaleesi, or both:

All this weird non history begs the question: At what point does King David become an Aryan trans because the people at Adobe feel stupidity equates to inclusivity? Only the historians at Adobe Firefly know the real answer.